How My ADHD Diagnosis as an Adult Has Given Me Strength and Empathy - and Made Me a Better Strength Coach
Note: This blog is a reflection of my personal journey with ADHD. If you are looking to find some useful tips and tricks for setting up workouts that will work with your ADHD, head to the follow up blog 8 Tips for Working out with ADHD - From a Personal Trainer, with ADHD
One of the strangest things I've had to deal with as an adult is the realisation that my mind operates in a manner that is quite different to most people. I've always been somewhat aware of this - I'm a quick thinker and a force to be reckoned with when it comes to debating any topic I'm passionate about. The speed and chaos my brain works at has often been something I am very appreciative of. It has enabled me to indulge in creativity my entire life, in everything from graphic design and video editing, to personal training and business.
And if I am being honest with you, I always put this down to being a nice mix of both intelligent and creative. What was less obvious to me was how hamstringed my life had been due to my unique thinking patterns.
Then I was diagnosed with ADHD as a 34-year-old adult, and everything started to make sense.
In this blog, I am going to reflect on my diagnosis before I touch on how it relates to my lifelong passion for strength training, coaching and crushing PBs.
What Made Me Realise I had ADHD as an Adult?
This is going to sound dumb, especially as a millennial. How did I begin to suspect I might have ADHD? Tiktok videos. I first stumbled upon those classic "what it's like to have ADHD" skits on the short-form video platform and I was amused. I would show it to my wife Sophie joking about how relatable it was, and that it sounded just like me.
And then it would happen again.
And again.
Each time, Sophie agreeing that it did sound like me. There were too many that were incredibly relatable. My personal "quirks". As I fell deeper into the ADHD algorithm, there were too many for it all just to be coincidental.
And then I did exactly what you would expect a person with ADHD to do - I hyper-fixated on the topic. I dove deep into the research behind it, its causes, its treatments, and the mechanisms behind its symptoms. The irony is not lost on me that my ADHD symptoms were now in control of me finding out if I did have it.
Now, I am a huge believer in critical thinking. Through this process, I kept confirmation bias in mind and was careful to never self-diagnose. While the spark had been lit by the internet I was not going to let Dr. Google give me the final answer. So I began the process of finding out how to get a professional diagnosis, and what a headache this process was.
I won't go into all the fine details of getting a diagnosis, so here's a quick summary
I first did an online screening test to see if this was all in my mind. This is a test that is recognised by medical professionals but is by no means a diagnosis, just a first step. If you're curious, here is the one I did.
I took my results to my GP, who took me through a more detailed questionnaire to further understand my behaviours.
I was then referred to an ADHD specialist. This was a 1-hour consultation that involved a deep dive into my life, habits, and behaviour, including how I was at school, my mental health, and my work life.
This was followed up by a T.O.V.A. test, a computer test that is boring as hell, felt like absolute torture and was the longest 30mins of my life. It is designed to test reaction times to assess your ability to stay focused. The T.O.V.A. has been shown to accurately identify 87% of individuals without ADHD, 84% of non-hyperactive ADHD, and 90% of the hyperactive ADHD.
I was then referred to a psychiatrist for my final assessment.
I was extremely fortunate in how quickly I got through this process. If the original timeline had been followed, it would have taken almost 2 years to get all these appointments. I was lucky to jump in every time there was a cancellation and I managed to get it all done in just over 5 months. I am so grateful for getting it all sorted because being medicated was extremely helpful in me being able to launch Strength Block without hitting self-destruct on my mental health along the way.
My heart goes out to anyone on this journey in New Zealand who have to exercise such a level of patience to get to their destination.
So what even is ADHD?
If you are my age (34) you probably have a very similar perception of ADHD. You remember the "problem kids" at school, acting out, being disruptive and being put in a pretty negative box. They were entertaining, but we were all glad we weren't them. I feel like society has moved in a more positive direction in regards to this, recognising what drives these kids rather than just medicating them into a zombie-like state to keep them quiet. I have an incredible amount of empathy towards my peers who tangled with this and were judged, mishandled and mislabelled for engaging in what can be quite a lonely and difficult life experience.
ADHD, or attention deficit hyperactive disorder is a fairly common neurodevelopmental issue. There are still an astounding amount of people that pass it off as a myth, an excuse for laziness, disorganisation and messiness. But it isn't just due to a person's habits - ADHD brains are literally wired differently. ADHD brains have low levels of a neurotransmitter known as norepinephrine. These neurotransmitters are directly responsible for the uptake of dopamine, the chemical in our brain that is responsible for our internal reward mechanism and mood regulation. The result? A dopamine-deficient brain in which the person has a constant need to seek stimulation to reach a baseline of happiness (in simple terms).
ADHD is constantly running up a slippery slope in an attempt to not slide into sadness. Therefore your mind can never rest. It is exhausting.
ADHD is a Gift...
Up until now, it may seem all doom and gloom having a diagnosis. But in all honesty, I wouldn't change it for the world. Maybe it is because it is my only reference point for how to perceive this life, but I am extremely grateful for the brain I have. Don't get me wrong, it's come with a heap of obstacles in my life, but it's also what me, well me.
Chasing dopamine my entire life has allowed me to get lost in creativity. It has provided me with an endless supply of outlets to indulge in - writing, graphic design, illustration and video editing to name a few. If something makes me happy, I can get lost in it, for hours, days or weeks. I'm like a dog with a bone.
This is one of the hallmarks of ADHD - the ability to hyper-fixate. When put to good use, it is an incredible skill with almost endless possibilities. When you tap into a stream of dopamine, you are to delve deep into the details of a topic that interests you. If correctly harnessed, a person with ADHD is very likely to become an expert in their field. I have no extraordinary claims as being the best personal trainer out there, but I am confident that you won't find a strength coach of my calibre that isn't only focused on professional athletes or sports teams. My fascination with fitness and strength has definitely transcended what you would find from the "Fresh out of school" PTs at your local commercial fitness clubs. I have no ill-will toward these trainers - I was once one myself. But my ability to hyper-focus on strength training has allowed me to continue to learn my skills, master my craft, and explore every aspect of strength training, coaching and programming.
Hell, I have long surpassed the knowledge required to train the majority of the clients I have. But because I am passionate about it, I cannot help but learn more and more.
And strength training is just the thing I am most well-known for. The range of skills that I have, including digital marketing, copywriting, illustration, video editing and designing business models are all self-taught. If I find something enjoyable, there's almost no limit to how good I can get at it.
...ADHD is a Curse
There is a catch to all this.
Because ADHD requires you to be stimulated in the present, you live your life almost from moment to moment. There is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow, there is only now. How am I going to bring myself to baseline this very second? This makes anything that can be put off or procrastinated a gigantic hurdle to overcome. It's hard to explain the resistance that you meet for even some of the most mundane tasks.
Here is an actual example from my life that has happened time and time again. My credit card bill is due. I have the money to pay for it. But instead, I ignore it until I'm receiving phone calls from the bank and ruining my credit score. When you finally answer your phone because you've dug yourself a massive hole, you calmly tell them that you authorise the transfer from one account to another and it's done.
I feel relieved but simultaneously guilty for how easy it was to resolve. And I carve another piece of my ever-thinning self-esteem. Before my ADHD diagnosis, I had no idea why I was prone to these patterns. I truly thought that I was just lazy.
This made no sense because I am incredibly ambitious - but my day-to-day nature contradicted this constantly.
The way I look at my ADHD brain is this: It's the equivalent of having a really good piece of subscription software. You are on the cheap, free version, which works well for many things. However, you don't have the money to upgrade to the pro tier, which unlocks additional features that you know would be extremely useful.
Think Spotify, but with the ads and inability to pick which song you listen to.
As a result of this, I've spent a lot of my life with big ideas, and the ability to learn the skills to achieve them, but falling short every time I try to implement any long-term plan. Because of all my "potential", I've faced criticism my entire life. Teachers, family, partners, and authorities point out that I am not living up to what I should be capable of.
Oftentimes, what these people don't realise is that while they may feel let down, it does not match the internal disappointment I often have for myself. I also didn't use to understand why all my great ideas never fully came to fruition.
I have always had great ideas with no follow-through.
My Experience with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
As you can imagine, all these instances of confusion on both my part for my lack of action and being labelled as lazy and messy my whole life has a compounding effect. I'm not looking for some sympathy party, but imagine being judged your whole life and mislabelled for things that are not fully in your control.
This negative feedback loop that you're stuck in while navigating every day life does add up. Its not the sole reason, but it's a major contributor to many people with ADHD developing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is a type of emotional sensitivity that is characterised by a heightened emotional response to perceived rejection or criticism. People with rejection sensitive dysphoria may experience intense feelings of shame, sadness, or anger in response to perceived rejection or criticism, even if the rejection is minor or imagined. They may also have a strong fear of failure or a need for approval from others.
Because of this, I've lived a lot of my life with a mask on. In my youth, I was always seen as arrogant and cocky, a confident pretty boy with a quick mouth and an even quicker temper. I played this character to hide all the self-doubt I had. Overcompensating my emotions that I perceived as feminine with "masculine" outlets such as muay Thai and later lifting weights.
Heaven forbid I were to be perceived as feminine.
But in later life, I could no longer continue this facade. I could no longer maintain it as I spiralled deeper into a hole of anxiety. I knew I had to embrace my emotions and not fight them or I would experience a serious mental health crisis. So I did something that I once thought would be unthinkable when I first started dating Sophie. I laid it all out on the table. I was honest about who I was, how I felt, and how I struggled. For the first time, I pushed through my RSD, and was met with nothing but love and understanding.
My Greatest ADHD Super Power - Empathy.
There is a silver lining to my RSD - all it took was me leaning into it and "listening" to it. While I have to consciously keep it in check it has provided me with an incredibly powerful sense of empathy. My years of worrying about how others feel have sharpened my sensitivity to other people's emotions. I am extremely good at detecting people's pain points and how they feel. I can tell makes them tick - even when they try to hide it. It can be borderline telepathic at times.
And as long as I meet these emotions with understanding and compassion, I can truly help people. It is the foundation of my business as a personal trainer and a strength coach.
In a fitness industry that pushes for stoic, emotionless masculinity, I have gone in the complete opposite direction. It's no secret that most people find their way into the gym, and hire a personal trainer because they want to change. There's a good chance that the change is rooted in insecurity, negative thought patterns or just some form of mental anguish. I meet my clients wherever they are mentally, every single day. I use my capacity for empathy to create an environment for them to deconstruct their thought patterns and recognise what their drive is.
Then through the magic of strength training, we build their confidence up - rep by rep.
I push my clients when they are in a space to push, and pull back when they aren't. I believe most trainers aim to just physically crush their clients in their training sessions, as though being able to do this is evidence of some skill when it comes to exercise. I'm in the game to help people build a love for lifting and long-term habits.
Turns out that leading with empathy makes you a great coach, and for that alone, I wouldn't trade my ADHD brain for the world.
My ADHD Journey Will Continue
I'm not even going to pretend that I understand the full scope of ADHD and how it affects my life. Every day I am still discovering the unique habits and idiosyncrasies that I have developed to manage it, even prior to my diagnosis. If you are a person with ADHD and want some tips on how to build strength programmes tailored to your unique brain chemistry, I highly recommend reading my follow-up blog on this topic 8 Tips For Working Out With ADHD. Alternatively, if you want to develop a great appreciation for what exercise can do for your mental health from a coach that will go to the ends of the earth to help, get in contact today to find out about my personal training and online coaching services.